Self-Talk for Hard Work
Oh look, I made a case study and sample script
I’m going to steal a cooking blog formatting thing and front-load some exposition before divulging the meatier content. Scroll to the obvious section break if you just want to read the self-talk, instead of the TED talk.
This is from my my personal notebook, a place I turn to for writing out my most important self-to-self communication. Often, the physical act of writing it down is the specific point at which I really listen to myself. Once my thoughts are on the page, I will toss the notebook aside for months at a time.
Some time ago, conflict was ramping up around me, in my worlds and in my families, both given and chosen. I was feeling challenged, but also aware that these challenges matter deeply to me. I had a sense that my obstacles and conflicts would grow larger before I could grow myself enough to catch up and overcome them. I did my best to chart what this course might look like. Then, I wrote down the best advice that I could think to give myself.
Good fortune and/or an attention disorder hid the text away while I did my best to follow my own guidance. When I finally came back to it, I was pleasantly surprised to have not hecked it up — neither the giving myself advice, nor the following it. It’s weird. Weird enough that I have typed it all up and decided to set it loose.
I don’t know if it’s technically an affirmation, an intention, a spell, a roadmap, a promise to myself, or something else entirely. The words are just below this.
I am grown. I am safe. The hardest work that I have to do is to act like I know this.
• I will say what I believe.
• I will ask for what I need.
• I will not work to convince others to adopt my reality.
• I will believe in my own reality with as much conviction as I support other people’s beliefs.
My family works if the things that we do make us feel safe and secure and loved. I am not as committed to the form of what I do as I am committed to the function. Even within the limits of temperament, behavior is flexible if our beliefs will accommodate the changes.
[Note: a prior version of this text was posted to Medium on 17 Nov 2023.]